Talking to Family, Friends and Loved ones about the Middle East Conflict


The other day, a mother shared with me how her daughter was shocked to think that her parents sided with Israel amidst “the genocidal massacre of Palestinian children.” They have since agreed that this topic is off-limits. This mother talked about how much anxiety it caused her, know that there was this rift be-tween them. How can we talk to our family, friends and loved ones? Here’s a guide to ensure that your conversations will be constructive.

  1. Find out how much they know first. Listen. We’ve noticed that most pro-Palestinian advocates, actually don’t know the facts behind the conflict. For example, when they chant “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free!”, often they say the river is the Nile, or the Euphrates. The Sea is the Red Sea or even the Indian Ocean. From experience about two-thirds of people we encounter don’t know and they’ve just jumped on the bandwagon based on propaganda. Listen more talk less.
  2. Don’t get frustrated, angry, or upset.
    If you catch yourself getting grumpy, then you’re starting to try to win them to your way of seeing things. Don’t. They will probably feel threatened or pressured and the discussion will end with neither of you any wiser.
  3. Formulate your answer from what you find out.
    In the above example, if you have the opportunity, show them a simple map and point out the sea and the river, and ask what’s in between. Then you can ask if they intended that Israel should be done away with. 2/3rds say no. Let me rethink this.
  4. Look for common ground.
    When I was confronted by an angry young man, he was quite disarmed when I compli-mented him for his passion for justice. The conversation stopped being combative immediately.
  5. Don’t lecture.
    Keep your answers short. In this day and age, where everything comes in short articles, attention spans can be really short. Think about how to phrase what you want to say effectively and efficiently.
  6. Invite them to read widely and do their own investigations.
    None of this happened under a rock. Finding articles, and books should be easy. But reading widely means reading material that look at both sides of the controversy. Otherwise they are just in an echo chamber.
  7. Don’t try to convince them of your view. Don’t debate. Don’t try to win.
    Let the facts speak for themselves. There are plenty of them. Don’t raise your voice. Don’t make their conclusions for them. Let them make up their own minds.
  8. Be prepared: Read widely yourself
    So much of the pro-Palestinian movement relies on re-writing history and jumping to conclusions without the facts. Do the opposite. Read wisely. Reflect.
  9. Don’t wait until you know everything.
    You don’t have to know everything. Each conversation is an opportunity to learn from the other person. Listen to how they support their argument. If you don’t know about it, you can go and research it and circle back.
  10. Every time you have a conversation with someone, it is an opportunity to learn and refine your messaging.
    That’s right. Don’t wait until you know everything and/or your messaging is perfect. Learning by doing is an essential way to improve.

    NZFOI. This article was first published in the March 2024 issue of our newsletter.

What is Antisemitism — R Lord Jonathan Sacks

Within living memory of the Holocaust, after which the world said it would never happen again, antisemitism has returned.

But what is antisemitism and why should its return be cause for grave concern, not only for Jews but for all of us?

Historically, antisemitism has been hard to define, because it expresses itself in such contradictory ways. Before the Holocaust, Jews were hated because they were poor and because they were rich; because they were communists and because they were capitalists; because they kept to themselves and because they infiltrated everywhere; because they clung to ancient religious beliefs and because they were rootless cosmopolitans who believed nothing.

So what is antisemitism? Let’s be clear – not liking people because they’re different isn’t antisemitism. It’s xenophobia. Criticising Israel isn’t antisemitism: it’s part of the democratic process, and Israel is a democracy.

Antisemitism is something much more dangerous – it means persecuting Jews and denying them the right to exist collectively as Jews with the same rights as everyone else.

It’s a prejudice that like a virus, has survived over time by mutating.

So in the Middle Ages, Jews were persecuted because of their religion. In the 19th and 20th centuries, they were reviled because of their race. Today, Jews are attacked because of the existence of their nation-state, Israel. Denying Israel’s right to exist is the new antisemitism.

And just as antisemitism has mutated, so has its legitimisation. Each time, as the persecution descended into barbarity, the persecutors reached for the highest form of justification available.

In the Middle Ages, it was religion. In post-Enlightenment Europe it was science: the so called scientific study of race. Today it is human rights.

Whenever you hear human rights invoked to deny Israel’s right to exist, you are hearing the new antisemitism.

So, why has it returned? There are many reasons but one root cause is the cognitive failure called scapegoating.

When bad things happen to a group, its members can ask one of two questions: “What did we do wrong?” or “Who did this to us?” The entire fate of the group will depend on which it chooses.

If it asks, “What did we do wrong?” it has begun the process of healing the harm. If instead it asks, “Who did this to us?” it has defined itself as a victim. It will then seek a scapegoat to blame for all its problems.

Classically this has been the Jews, because for a thousand years they were the most conspicuous non-Christian minority in Europe and today because Israel is the most conspicuous non-Muslim country in the Middle East.

The argument is always the same. We are innocent; therefore they are guilty. Therefore if we are to be free, they – the Jews or the state of Israel – must be destroyed. That is how the great evils begin.

Why then should we all care about this? After all, if we’re not Jewish, what has it got to do with us?

The answer is that antisemitism is about the inability of a group to make space for difference.

And because we are all different, the hate that begins with Jews never ends with Jews.

It wasn’t Jews alone who suffered under Hitler. It wasn’t Jews alone who suffered under Stalin. It isn’t Jews alone who suffer under the radical Islamists and others who deny Israel’s right to exist.

Antisemitism is the world’s most reliable early warning sign of a major threat to freedom, humanity and the dignity of difference.

It matters to all of us. Which is why we must fight it together.

[NZFOI: And today in 2024, with the trending ideas around Settler Colonialism, Critical Race Theory and Neo-Marxism, the destruction of Israel is falsely justified with ideas that Jews are White Settler Colonialists who are Oppressing the Palestinians. The Palestinians lean into this thinking, portraying themselves as underdogs. They are adept at re-spinning the narrative into supporting their victimhood, while conveniently ignoring the amount of foreign aid, they have received, diverting most of it toward righting a winner takes all, fight to the death war, and graft.

It is often argued that anti-Israel and anti-Zionism is not Anti-Semitism and semantically this should be true. However, NZFOI has observed that whenever the level of conflict flairs up between Israel and the Palestinians, acts of Anti-Semitism also become much more prevalent throughout the rest of the world.]

Why are embassies supposed to be inviolable?

The Economist reviews the diplomatic immunity of Embassies following Ecuador’s raid on a Mexican Embassy to arrest someone who had been granted asylum.

In their discussion they say:

“There are exceptions to inviolability under international law, too. The Vienna Convention only refers to the responsibilities of the host state, but says nothing about a third-party attack. Also, under the laws of armed conflict, embassies lose their protections if they are used for military purposes. That may mean that the recent strike on Iran’s consulate in Damascus was legal; a spokesperson for the Israel Defence Forces called the annexe that was destroyed a “military building […] disguised as a civilian building”. Iran may try to claim, falsely, that the same is true of Israeli embassies, and that attacks on them would be similarly justified.”

Source: Why are embassies supposed to be inviolable? (economist.com)

Hope Presbyterian Panel Discussion on Israel – April 2024

Tonight we were part of a 90-minute discussion on what a Christian response to the Israeli-Gaza war should be.

The other panelists were fantastic and helped round out the coverage, they were:

  • Mark Ambundo, Pastor.
  • Roy Warren, an expert in protestant evangelical eschatology, who had covered the history of Israel over the previous two weeks from a Christian perspective.
  • Stephanie Gutschmidt, a member of Hope Presbyterian, and is fluent in many languages including Hebrew.
  • Tony Kan, President of NZ Friends of Israel.

We covered New Testament passages that conflict Christians like:

* Love your enemies
* Turn the other cheek
* Don’t reward evil with evil

We talked about the reliability of information provided by the Gaza Ministry of Health and how that is shaping the world’s perceptions of the war and how it is being conducted.

We covered how to talk to family, friends and loved ones about Israel-Gaza and the Middle East Conflict.

It’s clear that there was a lot for people to process and some of it will require people to let go of long-held “truths” planted by Hamas.

On the other hand, many came up to us and said they had learned a lot they didn’t know before.

Thanks to everyone’s support, prayers, and well-wishes. Special shout out to Paul and Gillian for recommending us to the Hope Presbyterian leadership.

The audio recording can be downloaded in a couple of days from here: https://www.hopechurch.net.nz/sermons

The slides that we showed and other resources can be downloaded from here: https://tinyurl.com/HopeCh24

Hag sameach!

The latest billboard campaign is launched: Let my people go!

The latest billboard campaign is up! It’s on the corner of Hagley Ave and Moorhouse Ave. Just along from the netball courts.

One of the busiest streets in Christchurch, plenty of eyeballs see this one!

Great location and getting lots of positive feedback.

Kol hakavod to Shalom New Zealand and all the donors! There are billboards in Auckland and Wellington too but ran out of funds for Hamilton.

If you want to get behind this, follow the instructions on our website (www.nzfoi.org) how to make a donation.

Don’t forget to email us your details to get a tax receipt if you’re in New Zealand.

Protesters Regret ‘From the River to the Sea’ Chant Upon Learning Meaning – Newsweek

A new survey found many potential protesters couldn’t explain the meaning behind the controversial phrase. UC Berkeley professor Ron Hassner hired a survey firm to poll 250 college students from across the country, and a majority, or roughly 86 percent, said they supported the phrase, a common protest chant to express support for Palestinians in the ongoing conflict against Israel.

Still, only 47 percent could name the Jordan River and Mediterranean Sea, which historically encompassed Palestine and today includes both Israel and Israeli-occupied Palestinian territories.

And even more surprising, once students learned more about the region, 67.8 percent of those surveyed no longer agreed with the sentiment.

Read more: Protesters Regret ‘From the River to the Sea’ Chant Upon Learning Meaning (newsweek.com)

Why Iran is the common link in conflicts from Gaza to Pakistan — NYT

By Cassandra Vinograd

Published Jan. 18, 2024

Updated Jan. 19, 2024, 9:33 a.m. ET

Israel and Gaza. Yemen and the Red Sea. Lebanon, Syria, Iraq — and now Pakistan, too.

At every flashpoint in a set of conflicts spanning 1,800 miles and involving a hodgepodge of unpredictable armed actors and interests, there’s been a common thread: Iran. Tehran has left its imprint with its behind-the-scenes backing of combatants in places like Lebanon and Yemen, and with this week’s direct missile strikes on targets in Iraq, Syria and Pakistan.

The Iran connection stems partly from Iran’s decades-long efforts to deter threats and undermine foes by building up like-minded militias across the Middle East.

In addition, Iran itself, like neighboring countries, faces armed separatist movements and terrorist groups in conflicts that readily spill over borders.

But what does Pakistan have to do with Gaza? Here’s a look at how Iran ties together recent tensions.

What’s the back story here?

Ever since the 1979 revolution that made Iran a Shiite Muslim theocracy, it has been isolated and has seen itself as besieged.

Iran considers the United States and Israel to be its biggest enemies — for more than four decades its leaders have vowed to destroy Israel. It also wants to establish itself as the most powerful nation in the Persian Gulf region, where its chief rival is Saudi Arabia, an American ally, and has often had hostile relations with the Saudis and some other predominantly Sunni Muslim Arab neighbors.

With few other allies, Iran has long armed, trained, financed, advised and even directed several movements that share Iran’s enemies. Though Iranian forces have been involved directly in wars in Syria and Iraq, Tehran has mostly fought its enemies abroad by proxy.

Iran, which calls itself and these militias the “Axis of Resistance” to American and Israeli power, sees it all as “part of a single struggle,” said Hasan Alhasan, a senior fellow for Middle East Policy at the International Institute for Strategic Studies, a policy analysis group.

Iranian leaders call their approach a forward defense strategy, saying that to defend itself, the country must take action outside its borders.

“If they are to avoid fighting the Americans and Israelis on Iran’s soil, they’ll have to do it elsewhere,” Mr. Alhasan said. “And that’s in Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Palestine, Afghanistan.”

How well the strategy works is open to question. Terrorist groups have attacked recently on Iranian soil. And for years Israel has carried out targeted attacks on Iran’s nuclear program, killing some of its key figures and destroying facilities.

Why does Iran outsource its conflicts?

While Iran wants to project its power and influence, it is reluctant to directly engage the United States or its allies, courting major retaliation or all-out war.

How secure Iran’s leaders feel in their grip on power is unclear. But they know that decades of sanctions and embargoes have degraded Iran’s military forces and its economy, and that their repressive government faces intense domestic opposition.

Iran has hoped to compensate for its vulnerabilities by raising the prospect that it could develop nuclear weapons — which would put it on par with Pakistan and Israel, and ahead of Saudi Arabia.

Iran maintains that its nuclear program has only peaceful purposes, and Tehran has carefully kept the uranium it produces just below the threshold for bomb-grade fuel, which is considered the red line that could trigger military action against its underground nuclear complexes.

Investing in proxy forces — fellow Shiites in Lebanon, Iraq and Yemen, and the Sunni Hamas in the Gaza Strip — allows Iran to cause trouble for its enemies, and to raise the prospect of causing more if attacked.

“Proxy forces have allowed Iran to maintain some level of plausible deniability, while asymmetrically supplying Tehran with a means to effectively strike Israel or apply pressure to it,” the Combating Terrorism Center at West Point wrote in a December report.

Iranian officials have publicly denied being involved in or ordering Hamas’s Oct. 7 attack on Israel that killed about 1,200 people. But they also praised the assault as a momentous achievement, and warned that their regional network would open multiple fronts against Israel if the country kept up its retaliatory war against Hamas in Gaza.

Some of those proxies have, in fact, stepped up attacks on Israel, but have avoided full-fledged warfare.

People waving yellow-and-green Hezbollah banners watch the group’s leader, Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah, deliver a speech on a giant video screen.

Who are these proxies for Iran?

Hezbollah in Lebanon, widely considered to be the most powerful and sophisticated of the Iran-allied forces, was founded in the 1980s with Iranian assistance, specifically to fight the Israeli occupation of southern Lebanon. The group, which is also a political party in Lebanon, has fought multiple wars and border skirmishes with Israel.

Hezbollah has been trading fire across the border with Israel’s military almost daily since the Oct. 7 Hamas-led attacks, but it has thus far refrained from fully joining the fight.

The Houthi movement in Yemen launched an insurgency against the government two decades ago. What was once a ragtag rebel force gained power thanks at least in part to covert military aid from Iran, according to American and Middle Eastern officials and analysts.

The Houthis seized much of the country in 2014 and 2015, and a Saudi-led coalition stepped into the civil war on the side of the Yemeni government. A de facto cease-fire has held since 2022, with the Houthis still in control of Yemen’s northwest and its capital, Sana.

Since the war in Gaza began, the Houthis have waged what they call a campaign in solidarity with Palestinians under Israeli bombardment. They have launched missiles and drones at Israel, and have disrupted a significant part of the world’s shipping by attacking dozens of vessels heading to or from the Suez Canal.

That has transformed the Houthis into a force with a global impact, and prompted the United States and Britain, with help from allies, to carry out missile strikes on Houthi targets inside Yemen.

Hamas, in the Palestinian territories, has also received weapons and training from Iran, and has fought repeated wars with Israel.

Why did Iran strike directly, not through allies, in Iraq, Syria and Pakistan?

It has a lot to do with the government’s problems at home.

As tensions rise across the region, Tehran has increasingly become a target.

Last month, a separatist group attacked a police station in southeastern Iran, killing 11 people. Two senior Iranian commanders were assassinated in Syria, and Iran blamed Israel.

Then this month, suicide bombings in Kerman, Iran, killed almost 100 people — the deadliest terrorist attacks since the Islamic Republic was founded. The Islamic State claimed responsibility.

Iran analysts, and Iranians close to the military, say the government wanted to make a show of force with an eye to the hard-liners who make up its base of support, and were already incensed at Israeli attacks. Iran went on the offensive.

It said this week that it had fired missiles at the Islamic State in Syria, and at what it said was an Israeli base for intelligence gathering in northern Iraq. (The Iraqi government denied that the building struck was tied to Israel.) It also fired into Pakistan.

“Iran has signalled clearly that it is not willing to deploy those capabilities for anything less than the defence of their homeland,” said Ali Vaez, the Iran project director at the International Crisis Group, a policy group.

What does Pakistan have to do with this? It’s not even in the Middle East.

The separatist group Jaish al-Adl wants to create a homeland for the Baluch ethnic group out of parts of Iran and Pakistan, and it operates on both sides of the border. It also took responsibility for the deadly attack last month on an Iranian police station.

The two countries have accused each other of not doing enough to prevent militants from crossing the border.

Iran said its strikes in Pakistan targeted bases for Jaish al-Adl, but Pakistan pushed back against Iran’s reasoning, citing what it said were civilian casualties. On Thursday, Pakistan responded by bombing what it said were terrorist hide-outs inside Iran.

Pakistan and Iran have had mostly cordial relations, and the frictions between them have little to do with Iran’s other regional conflicts. But Iran’s decision to strike inside Pakistan has the potential to damage its relationship with Pakistan. At a time when the region is already on edge, a miscalculation could be especially dangerous.

Vivian Nereim, Salman Masood and Farnaz Fassihi contributed reporting.

A correction was made on Jan. 19, 2024: An earlier version of this article referred incorrectly to Iran’s nuclear program. Iran has raised the prospect that it could develop nuclear weapons, maintaining that its nuclear program has only peaceful purposes, but it has not developed them.

How we handle corrections

A version of this article appears in print on Jan. 19, 2024, Section A, Page 6 of the New York edition with the headline: Why Iran Is the Common Link in a String of Conflicts, From Gaza to Pakistan. Order Reprints | Today’s Paper | Subscribe

Christchurch 100 days address

On January 14, a bike ride and march were held to mark 100 days of captivity for the remaining hostages held by Hamas and other terrorist groups in Gaza. This was the address we gave at the gathering:

“Thank you for coming out today to show your support for the hostages.

My name is Tony Kan, President of the NZ Friends of Israel Association Incorporated.

As we’ve said before, today marks 100 days since October 7, since Israelis were cruelly attacked, atrocities committed and innocent civilians were ripped from their homes and held hostage.

It means a lot to the families of the hostages to know that you support them.

In NZ there are weekly vigils like this one organized by those who want to see the hostages freed and the people of Israel safe.

We want to thank Shalom New Zealand and its volunteers for creating the billboard campaign that has raised awareness of this tragedy to so many in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch.

We want to thank Bobby, Ariela, Ravit and others for sacrificing their time and energy to organize these weekly vigils.

There are hundreds of others who are sacrificing their time to debate and show their support on social media.  We thank them too.

But in marking 100 days, we also recognize that the fight to bring back the hostages and to win Israel’s safety is not over.

This struggle may last many more months, if not years.

Churchill said:

In war: Be resolute

In Defeat: Be defiant

In victory: be magnanimous

In peace: be of good will.

This is the time to be resolute. Relentless. Enduring.  Don’t give up. Do more than hang in there.  Get on the front foot.  Write to your mayor.  Write to your MP.  Write to Winston Peters.  Write to Chris Luxon.

A cease fire will only take the pressure off Hamas and prolong captivity.

To those who are afraid because of the Anti-Semitism that has become so apparent in recent weeks, even in New Zealand.

Now that anti-semitism is out in the open, we can fight it.

Be strong.  Be defiant.  The only way to beat bullies is to stand up to them. 

Have you ever wondered why Hashem commanded “be bold and courageous” in the Torah? 

It is because there is a likelihood that we wouldn’t feel bold and courageous. 

Hashem never commands you to do something impossible.  For with Hashem, all things are possible.  So be bold and courageous. 

To those supporters who don’t count themselves as Jews yet you can recognize evil, when you see it

Before October 7, anti-semitism in NZ was always here.  Growing like mushrooms in the dark, fed by lies and conspiracy theories.

On September 4, 1942, the Jewish Telegraphic Agency. reported that:

When the King of Denmark was told the Germans were going to press for the introduction of the Yellow Badge for Jews, he declared:

“When this happens, I shall wear the Yellow Star on my uniform in public and I shall order the entire Royal household to follow my example.”

The king of Denmark has shown us a key.  You too can fight anti-Semitism by publicly and visually showing that you stand with all Jews. 

When the anti-Semites realize that they cannot bully people into submission they will lose their nerve.

Stand up to Antisemitism wherever and whenever you encounter it.  And give it a symbolic stiff uppercut.

To those who follow Hashem, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, thank you for your prayers. 

But remember the struggle, is not over.

Hamas continues to fight. Hostages are still in captivity and those who support Hamas in other countries are taking up arms.

Be resolute. Don’t stop.

Many of us limit our fight to what we can see. 

But you who pray, like Elisha’s servant, who saw the hosts of angels above his city, know that this is only one part of the struggle. 

Be resolute.  Don’t stop.

To the families of the hostages, you are not alone. Know that even in a country, as far away as at the ends of the earth, there are thousands of people who are deeply concerned about your plight.

To the hostages, in case you see any phone footage of this demonstration, we urge you to

stay strong,

to keep believing that you will be free.

We won’t give up on you,

we will do all within our power to bring you back.

Finally,

The DCM, Yael Horan, at the Embassy of Israel has asked us,

the Christchurch community of supporters to adopt one of the hostage families.

One of the families that was taken hostage, was the Bibas Family. 

They are a family who lived in Kibbutz Nir Oz

which is a community well known for its peace activism. 

Their youngest, Kfir, was nine months old when he was kidnapped. 

His first birthday is going to be this Thursday, January 18.

To mark his birthday, NZ Friends of Israel will be holding a special meeting at the Halswell Center at 7.30pm. 

See you there.

Thank you.”

The Palestinians hide their true agenda from us: and it’s murderous.

Western civilizations are fooled by the Palestinians because they know if we really understood their true agenda, we would recoil in revulsion. But they are not so cautious when speaking on Arabic media. Lucky for us.

Christchurch Israel Solidarity Vigils: Thanks!

At the Christchurch Israel Hostage vigil this afternoon. Thanks to Bobby, Mariela, Ravit and others who organized the vigils since the beginning of October.

Thanks also to all the supporters who made the sacrifice and came on Christmas Eve to show solidarity with the hostages.

So many members of the public have stopped and read the posters; others have stopped to give words of encouragement and support.

All heartwarming stuff.

Most who have objected, and stopped to discuss with the situation with us, don’t know the background, and are forming opinions based on a couple of seconds of video here and there. Once given the facts, they soon realize that what they’ve been fed was misleading.

Here’s Abigail leading us in singing HaTikvah on her violin.