Talking to Family, Friends and Loved ones about the Middle East Conflict


The other day, a mother shared with me how her daughter was shocked to think that her parents sided with Israel amidst “the genocidal massacre of Palestinian children.” They have since agreed that this topic is off-limits. This mother talked about how much anxiety it caused her, know that there was this rift be-tween them. How can we talk to our family, friends and loved ones? Here’s a guide to ensure that your conversations will be constructive.

  1. Find out how much they know first. Listen. We’ve noticed that most pro-Palestinian advocates, actually don’t know the facts behind the conflict. For example, when they chant “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free!”, often they say the river is the Nile, or the Euphrates. The Sea is the Red Sea or even the Indian Ocean. From experience about two-thirds of people we encounter don’t know and they’ve just jumped on the bandwagon based on propaganda. Listen more talk less.
  2. Don’t get frustrated, angry, or upset.
    If you catch yourself getting grumpy, then you’re starting to try to win them to your way of seeing things. Don’t. They will probably feel threatened or pressured and the discussion will end with neither of you any wiser.
  3. Formulate your answer from what you find out.
    In the above example, if you have the opportunity, show them a simple map and point out the sea and the river, and ask what’s in between. Then you can ask if they intended that Israel should be done away with. 2/3rds say no. Let me rethink this.
  4. Look for common ground.
    When I was confronted by an angry young man, he was quite disarmed when I compli-mented him for his passion for justice. The conversation stopped being combative immediately.
  5. Don’t lecture.
    Keep your answers short. In this day and age, where everything comes in short articles, attention spans can be really short. Think about how to phrase what you want to say effectively and efficiently.
  6. Invite them to read widely and do their own investigations.
    None of this happened under a rock. Finding articles, and books should be easy. But reading widely means reading material that look at both sides of the controversy. Otherwise they are just in an echo chamber.
  7. Don’t try to convince them of your view. Don’t debate. Don’t try to win.
    Let the facts speak for themselves. There are plenty of them. Don’t raise your voice. Don’t make their conclusions for them. Let them make up their own minds.
  8. Be prepared: Read widely yourself
    So much of the pro-Palestinian movement relies on re-writing history and jumping to conclusions without the facts. Do the opposite. Read wisely. Reflect.
  9. Don’t wait until you know everything.
    You don’t have to know everything. Each conversation is an opportunity to learn from the other person. Listen to how they support their argument. If you don’t know about it, you can go and research it and circle back.
  10. Every time you have a conversation with someone, it is an opportunity to learn and refine your messaging.
    That’s right. Don’t wait until you know everything and/or your messaging is perfect. Learning by doing is an essential way to improve.

    NZFOI. This article was first published in the March 2024 issue of our newsletter.

The latest billboard campaign is launched: Let my people go!

The latest billboard campaign is up! It’s on the corner of Hagley Ave and Moorhouse Ave. Just along from the netball courts.

One of the busiest streets in Christchurch, plenty of eyeballs see this one!

Great location and getting lots of positive feedback.

Kol hakavod to Shalom New Zealand and all the donors! There are billboards in Auckland and Wellington too but ran out of funds for Hamilton.

If you want to get behind this, follow the instructions on our website (www.nzfoi.org) how to make a donation.

Don’t forget to email us your details to get a tax receipt if you’re in New Zealand.

Sheree Trotter: Indigenous Peoples and Israel

Dr Sheree Trotter

Last week we had Dr Sheree Trotter as a guest to our Christchurch meeting.

Today, one hears that the Palestinians are an indigenous people that is having their homeland stolen from them by the white settler colonialists, the Jews.  Is this true?

The events of October 7 have divided New Zealanders.  The connection to indigenous rights has created fault lines for our Maori community.

On Thursday, we were delighted to welcome Dr Sheree Trotter to talk to us about the establishment of the Indigenous Embassy Jerusalem and her views on how the Middle East Conflict has impacted her Maori Community.

ABOUT THE SPEAKER

Dr Sheree Trotter is a researcher, writer, and co-director of the Indigenous Coalition For Israel. She also co-founded the Holocaust and Antisemitism Foundation, Aotearoa New Zealand (formerly Shadows of Shoah). Sheree is Māori (Te Arawa) and earned her PhD in History at the University of Auckland.

Here is an audio recording from the meeting.

Christchurch 100 days address

On January 14, a bike ride and march were held to mark 100 days of captivity for the remaining hostages held by Hamas and other terrorist groups in Gaza. This was the address we gave at the gathering:

“Thank you for coming out today to show your support for the hostages.

My name is Tony Kan, President of the NZ Friends of Israel Association Incorporated.

As we’ve said before, today marks 100 days since October 7, since Israelis were cruelly attacked, atrocities committed and innocent civilians were ripped from their homes and held hostage.

It means a lot to the families of the hostages to know that you support them.

In NZ there are weekly vigils like this one organized by those who want to see the hostages freed and the people of Israel safe.

We want to thank Shalom New Zealand and its volunteers for creating the billboard campaign that has raised awareness of this tragedy to so many in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch.

We want to thank Bobby, Ariela, Ravit and others for sacrificing their time and energy to organize these weekly vigils.

There are hundreds of others who are sacrificing their time to debate and show their support on social media.  We thank them too.

But in marking 100 days, we also recognize that the fight to bring back the hostages and to win Israel’s safety is not over.

This struggle may last many more months, if not years.

Churchill said:

In war: Be resolute

In Defeat: Be defiant

In victory: be magnanimous

In peace: be of good will.

This is the time to be resolute. Relentless. Enduring.  Don’t give up. Do more than hang in there.  Get on the front foot.  Write to your mayor.  Write to your MP.  Write to Winston Peters.  Write to Chris Luxon.

A cease fire will only take the pressure off Hamas and prolong captivity.

To those who are afraid because of the Anti-Semitism that has become so apparent in recent weeks, even in New Zealand.

Now that anti-semitism is out in the open, we can fight it.

Be strong.  Be defiant.  The only way to beat bullies is to stand up to them. 

Have you ever wondered why Hashem commanded “be bold and courageous” in the Torah? 

It is because there is a likelihood that we wouldn’t feel bold and courageous. 

Hashem never commands you to do something impossible.  For with Hashem, all things are possible.  So be bold and courageous. 

To those supporters who don’t count themselves as Jews yet you can recognize evil, when you see it

Before October 7, anti-semitism in NZ was always here.  Growing like mushrooms in the dark, fed by lies and conspiracy theories.

On September 4, 1942, the Jewish Telegraphic Agency. reported that:

When the King of Denmark was told the Germans were going to press for the introduction of the Yellow Badge for Jews, he declared:

“When this happens, I shall wear the Yellow Star on my uniform in public and I shall order the entire Royal household to follow my example.”

The king of Denmark has shown us a key.  You too can fight anti-Semitism by publicly and visually showing that you stand with all Jews. 

When the anti-Semites realize that they cannot bully people into submission they will lose their nerve.

Stand up to Antisemitism wherever and whenever you encounter it.  And give it a symbolic stiff uppercut.

To those who follow Hashem, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, thank you for your prayers. 

But remember the struggle, is not over.

Hamas continues to fight. Hostages are still in captivity and those who support Hamas in other countries are taking up arms.

Be resolute. Don’t stop.

Many of us limit our fight to what we can see. 

But you who pray, like Elisha’s servant, who saw the hosts of angels above his city, know that this is only one part of the struggle. 

Be resolute.  Don’t stop.

To the families of the hostages, you are not alone. Know that even in a country, as far away as at the ends of the earth, there are thousands of people who are deeply concerned about your plight.

To the hostages, in case you see any phone footage of this demonstration, we urge you to

stay strong,

to keep believing that you will be free.

We won’t give up on you,

we will do all within our power to bring you back.

Finally,

The DCM, Yael Horan, at the Embassy of Israel has asked us,

the Christchurch community of supporters to adopt one of the hostage families.

One of the families that was taken hostage, was the Bibas Family. 

They are a family who lived in Kibbutz Nir Oz

which is a community well known for its peace activism. 

Their youngest, Kfir, was nine months old when he was kidnapped. 

His first birthday is going to be this Thursday, January 18.

To mark his birthday, NZ Friends of Israel will be holding a special meeting at the Halswell Center at 7.30pm. 

See you there.

Thank you.”

Christchurch Israel Solidarity Vigils: Thanks!

At the Christchurch Israel Hostage vigil this afternoon. Thanks to Bobby, Mariela, Ravit and others who organized the vigils since the beginning of October.

Thanks also to all the supporters who made the sacrifice and came on Christmas Eve to show solidarity with the hostages.

So many members of the public have stopped and read the posters; others have stopped to give words of encouragement and support.

All heartwarming stuff.

Most who have objected, and stopped to discuss with the situation with us, don’t know the background, and are forming opinions based on a couple of seconds of video here and there. Once given the facts, they soon realize that what they’ve been fed was misleading.

Here’s Abigail leading us in singing HaTikvah on her violin.

Bring them back – Get in behind the Billboard Campaign

A Billboard campaign has been put together to highlight the plight of the hostages.

Politicians instead of exercising leadership, often follow voter sentiment. The Billboard campaign is therefore also a tangible way for our politicians to see that there is a constituency that supports Israel.

Above is an example of what has been put up in Wellington.

Please support this worthy campaign:

If you’re in New Zealand donate to

NZFOI’s BNZ account 02 0820 0569411 00 and put “Billboards” in the “code” field and your initials and surname in the “particulars” field.

If you’re outside NZ make your donation via Paypal below.



If you’d like a tax receipt, please send us your contact details and we’ll match it up to the donation deposit. Once matched, we’ll send you a tax receipt.

NZ Friends of Israel is a registered charity: CC 43880.

Photos of other sites with Billboards in Auckland below:

and

Israel Toolkit: A quick briefing for the beginner

Hi Friends and supporters

The Gaza-Israel conflict has touched a nerve in NZ society in a way that other conflicts in the world haven’t.

Here is a toolkit resource that gives you a handy easy to read resource that briefs you on the regional history, and the talking points in this Gaza-Israel conflict.

Don’t let your well-meaning people in your circle get taken in by Hamas’ propaganda machine!

NZFOI responds to NZ Psychological Society

This afternoon we received this outrageous letter from the NZ Psychological Society.

Here is our response sent this afternoon.

To the Executive of the New Zealand Psychological Society

One of your members has sent us your open letter to the international community of Psychological Societies regarding Gaza.

We applaud your efforts to protect the civilians of Gaza from harm.

On the other hand, we deplore the absence in your letter of any condemnation of the atrocities carried out on October 7.

The absence of such condemnation leaves you wide open to the accusation that you find rape, summary executions of whole families in their homes, the beheading of babies, immolation of captives, gouging out of eyes, executing people at bus stops, and sitting in their cars, the abduction of civilians, children, babies, and the elderly, justifiable.

These are crimes against Israel, they are crimes against all Jews, and they are crimes against all humanity.  They are therefore crimes against us, New Zealanders. This is evil.

The people of Gaza elected Hamas as their government.

With such power, Hamas has great responsibility.

On October 7, Hamas committed a series of atrocities on such scale that no right-thinking nation could ignore.

In so doing, Hamas has taken their people into war.

No government who carries out such an act of war can expect that there will not be any consequences for its citizens.

But Hamas’ ideology values martyrdom more than the lives of their people.

And therefore they have no regret in using their people as human shields.

Consequently they fight their war from residential apartment buildings, schools, hospitals and even designated safe zones.

This war is not a war of vengeance, it is not a war of evening up the score, it is not just about defending Israel, it is about making Israel’s people safe.

October 7, has shown the world that Hamas is prepared to throw aside its humanity in the furtherance of its cause. Their evil is revealed.

Any idea of coexistence, of living with Jews in peace and harmony, is far from Hamas’ mind.

History shows that unless evil is confronted then many more will die.

Although we sympathise with your goal of trying to protect the non-combatants in Gaza, we are deeply disappointed that your letter leaves you wide open to the accusation that you condone the October 7 atrocities as justifiable actions to further a political cause.

In doing so, you contribute rather than mitigate a tragedy.

There is also a war for the world’s heart and mind.  For our hearts and minds.

Do not be taken in by the emotional messages currently before the media.

The number of casualties that was supposed to have died outside a hospital began with 500 and since then the number has steadily dropped.

There is much value in independent investigations after the conflict is over. 

From past conflicts, Western news agencies have attested to Hamas’ misinformation campaigns.

You and your members are scientists, and if you as a society feel strongly enough to weigh into this conflict, then we urge you to examine this conflict and its history and the respective claims of both sides with the same forensic care you take in your professional life.

If you do, you may find that talk of apartheid practices, invasions, indigenous peoples, and colonization is not as simple as some would have you think.

We urge you to re-write your letter with these thoughts in mind.

Regards, etc.

Israel at 75 audio

In May, we had a commemorative luncheon to mark Israel’s 75th anniversary of its establishment.

Here is the audio recording of the event. Enjoy! Thanks to David Allan for his efforts in putting this together.

Israel at 75 | NZFOI

This is the speech given by Tony Kan, President of NZ Friends of Israel Association Inc at the Israel at 75 commemorative lunch held in Christchurch on April 30, 2023.

Mr Ambassador, Shmuel and the other members the Board of Management of the Canterbury Hebrew Congregation, to the committee members of NZ Friends of Israel, to the members of the NZ Friends of Israel and other supporters of Israel, on behalf of the New Zealand Friends of Israel, welcome.

One of the earliest records of New Zealand’s support for the Jewish people is recorded in a speech before the House of Parliament by Sir George Grey, in 1891, who said:

“…that New Zealand take for the first time a place amongst the nations of the world, in moving a question which is of common interest to all mankind, and formally recognize that it is the duty of the New Zealand nation, however small or however great it may be, to do all the good it possibly can for people in all parts of the world.”

He then placed before the House a motion:

“That a memorial be addressed to His Imperial Majesty of All the Russias, respectfully praying that all exceptional and restrictive laws which afflict His Jewish subjects may be repealed, and that equal rights with those enjoyed by the rest of His Majesty’s subjects may be conferred upon them.  That the said memorial be signed by the Speaker, and be by him transmitted to his Majesty.”

Zionism, which is the movement for the establishment of a Jewish state in Palestine, was supported by many countries in the early part of the 20th century, including New Zealand.

One of the ways in which New Zealand supported Zionism was by endorsing the Balfour Declaration of 1917, which expressed the British government’s support for the establishment of a national home for the Jewish people in Palestine. New Zealand was one of the countries that voted in favor of the League of Nations Mandate for Palestine in 1922, which gave Britain the responsibility of administering the territory and preparing it for self-government.

Peter Fraser, who served as the Prime Minister of New Zealand from 1940 to 1949, was a supporter of the establishment of a Jewish state in Palestine.

Figure 1  Sir Peter Fraser

Fraser had extensive contacts with New Zealand’s Jewish community and local and visiting Zionists.  Like Savage, he was a close friend of the Jewish brewer, Ernest Davies.  He attended a reception given by the Auckland Jewish community for David Ben-Gurion in January 1941 when Ben-Gurion was returning to Palestine after an unsuccessful attempt to arouse American Jewish opposition to the 1939 White Paper.  When the Zionist Federation of New Zealand held its first Dominion Conference in Wellington in 1943, Fraser delivered an understanding and thoughtful address.

In addressing the United Nations delegates at the San Francisco Conference in April 1945, Fraser asserted that:

“Whatever can be done to help the persecuted Jewish people shall and must be done to the utmost ability of all right-thinking men…

There should be no antagonism or misunderstanding between the Jewish and Arab peoples, everyone living in Palestine would naturally benefit from what the Jewish people have made out of a land which was once desert, until the desert bloomed as a rose. Palestine is very akin to the ideals of New Zealand except that the Jewish people went into Palestine with a tradition of privation…

…I hope and believe that the representatives from this country who take part in the counsels stand foursquare for justice for the ancient home and new hope of the Jewish people.”

New Zealand supported the establishment of a Jewish state in Palestine, and eventually voted in favor of the UN partition plan that called for the creation of separate Jewish and Arab states in Palestine.

Yizthak Triester reports that: Yet before the vote, the New Zealand Prime Minster was torn:  He wanted the United Nations to succeed as an international body. He wanted Britain to be allowed to withdraw from Palestine. But he knew that without an international military presence, the Partition Plan would lead to war. He voiced his concerns to Carl Berendsen, New Zealand’s delegate to the United Nations.

Figure 2  Sir Carl Berendsen

By November 21, Fraser had made up his mind. He told the British Secretary of State that, “We must support partition as the solution which offers the best possible hope, however small, of dealing with the situation as it exists at the present time.”

However, Berendsen continued pushing the UN to delay the vote until a better solution was found, preferably with the United States committing to send soldiers to the region to enforce the decision.

Figure 3  Chaim Weizmann

On November 22, Chaim Weizmann, who would become Israel’s first president, sent a telegram to Fraser, stressing that if New Zealand abstained from the committee vote on partition, “through doubt on certain issues,” New Zealand would prejudice the only chance for a decision.

As the deadline for the vote approached, Fraser replied to Weizmann that partition without enforcement was, “futile and seems calculated to lead to bloodshed and chaos.”

Isaac Gotlieb counted Berendsen as a friend and neighbour, though they did not see eye to eye on the issues of Judaism or Zionism. And Carl had his doubts about the partition plan.

By now, Fraser realized that without New Zealand’s vote, the Partition Plan may not receive the necessary two thirds majority. Although he feared the plan was flawed, he knew there was no alternative. So, before the vote, he went to discuss his options with Isaac Gottlieb.

Figure 4  Isaac Gottlieb

Isaac Gotlieb was a passionate Zionist. In 1943, he became the first head of the New Zealand Zionist Federation. He traveled the country raising money for the Zionist cause, and in 1946, he represented New Zealand at the first World Zionist Convention in Basel.

Isaac Gotlieb was born in Latvia in 1891 and emigrated to NZ in 1909, having completed his apprenticeship as a carpenter in Wales, and after a few years, in 1924 at the age of 33 opened his own company called The Art Cabinet Co.

He became a very successful businessman. During the depression years, while others went bankrupt, Isaac and his brother Morris flourished.

He mixed in social circles that included Fraser, and other government officials. When the prime minister and his colleagues came to visit my great uncle on just before the partition vote, he employed every argument he had to convince them that they should support it.  It worked.

In a speech to the New Zealand Parliament on 27 November 1947, Fraser stated his government’s support for the partition plan, which proposed the creation of separate Jewish and Arab states in Palestine.

In his speech, Fraser said,

“It is the solemn duty of the General Assembly to create a free and independent state of Israel, and to guarantee it a secure existence in the world. This is an act of justice that we owe to the Jewish people, who have suffered so much in recent years. At the same time, we recognize the rights of the Arab people, and we hope that the two states will live side by side in peace and friendship.”

On 29 November 1947, New Zealand was one of the 33 countries that voted in favour of the partition plan, while 13 countries voted against it and 10 abstained. New Zealand’s support for the partition plan was based on its belief that the Jewish people had a legitimate claim to a homeland in Palestine, and that the partition plan was a fair and practical solution to the conflict between Jews and Arabs in the region.

After the establishment of Israel in 1948, New Zealand was one of the first countries to recognize its independence. New Zealand also provided military and other forms of support to Israel in its early years, including sending a small contingent of troops to serve with the United Nations Truce Supervision Organization (UNTSO) in the region.

75 years later, Fraser’s hopes for Israel have been realised.  Today, Israel’s economy is a source of regional employment and wealth.  With the Abrahamic Accords, regional peace is another step closer.  And if further peace can be given a chance and maintained, then the economic windfall for all concerned, not just Jews, would be astronomical. 

Today, Mr Ambassador, New Zealand continues to stand with Israel, affirming its right to exist, and working with Israel to ensure peace prevails, so that all may live and become anything they lawfully aspire to be.

In the desert, the Rose is blooming.

Thank you for your attention.

FAREWELL

Folks, thanks again for taking the time to come out and share in this special occasion. 

Please do take home a balloon or two as a momento.

Before you go, I’d like to thank you, Shmuel, member of the Board of Management of the Canterbury Hebrew Congregation, for all your help in getting this event going.  I’d also like to thank Rebecca Marchand, our secretary for ably organizing the ticket sales and communicating with ticketholders, to Yoko Allan, David Allan, Alison Clarke and John Clarke for all their work in scouting out the venue and for handling the decorations.  I’d also like to thank you all for your support, without which this event would not be possible.

And of course, I’d like to thank the Ambassador himself for making the time to come, for sponsoring the event, and for the Israel-NZ badges, which may be obtained from Sarah, over there.

The Torah Prophet, Zechariah said,

Thus says the Lord: I have returned to Zion and will dwell in the midst of Jerusalem, and Jerusalem shall be called the faithful city, and the mountain of the Lord of hosts, the holy mountain.

           4      Thus says the Lord of hosts: Old men and old women shall again sit in the streets of Jerusalem, each with staff in hand because of great age.

           5      And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in its streets.

           6      Thus says the Lord of hosts: If it is marvelous in the sight of the remnant of this people in those days, should it also be marvelous in my sight, declares the Lord of hosts?

           7      Thus says the Lord of hosts: Behold, I will save my people from the east country and from the west country,

           8      and I will bring them to dwell in the midst of Jerusalem. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God, in faithfulness and in righteousness.” [1]

And the Torah prophet Ezekiel said:

     37:1      The hand of the Lord was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the Lord and set me down in the middle of the valley; it was full of bones.

           2      And he led me around among them, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley, and behold, they were very dry.

           3      And he said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” And I answered, “O Lord God, you know.”

           4      Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.

           5      Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live.

           6      And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the Lord.”

           7      So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone.

           8      And I looked, and behold, there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them. But there was no breath in them.

           9      Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, Thus says the Lord God: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.”

         10      So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived and stood on their feet, an exceedingly great army.

         11      Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. Behold, they say, ‘Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are indeed cut off.’

         12      Therefore prophesy, and say to them, Thus says the Lord God: Behold, I will open your graves and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will bring you into the land of Israel.

         13      And you shall know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves, and raise you from your graves, O my people.

         14      And I will put my Spirit within you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I am the Lord; I have spoken, and I will do it, declares the Lord.” [2]

Zechariah spoke around 520 BCE and Ezekiel 586 BCE:  They spoke over 2,500 years ago.

Can we not stand back and behold what has happened and not be marvelled? 

Am Yisrael chai, the People of Israel live.

Please join me in saying it again.

Am Yisrael chai, the People of Israel live.

And again.

Am Yisrael chai, the People of Israel live.

As you leave with that thought to ponder, may you return to your homes safely.  Thank you.


[1] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Zec 8:3–8). (2016). Crossway Bibles.

[2] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Eze 37:1–14). (2016). Crossway Bibles.

The PowerPoint Slide Deck may be found here.